Moans Catch

[Guest]

Moan padded out of camp. " I'm going hunting." He said. The big cat padded on. He was about pounce on a plump gray mouse. When he heard another sound. " What was that." He said. He Padded into the brush. He looked through. There was a cat in Abyssclan territory! "What are you doing here ." He hissed. " Nothing." The strange cat said. " Let me guess stealing prey." Yes the she- rat said. " You no what happens to cats when cats steal prey from Abyssclan?" No". YOU DIE! He jumped on the she- rat biting her neck she fell dead.. He started dragging his kill to camp...

[Loki]

OOC: Cool, You have improved a LOT with your punctuation. In english (in england) you would get about a 5c which is quite good! I work at a 7a but I write books and I was taught how to read and write before I walked (saying).
NOTES!:

Moan padded out of camp. "I'm going hunting." He mewed,said. The big cat padded on, until he had gotten to where the cats preferred to hunt. (describe the preffered place= field/clearing, egsample:) an clearing, where the trees parted into a small acre of field.
(paragrapgh because its a change, etc. You was walking toward the hunting ground, but now your talking about him hunting.)

He was about pounce on a plump gray mouse.((Short sentences are effectie however, next time describe how you found & saw before seeing the mouse))But was distracted by another sound. When he heard another sound. "What was that." He meowed out loud.((He may have thought this, since Abbysclan are sneaky and plotting)) He stalked towards into the bush/Thicket (Thicket is a cool way to describe most plants). He looked (looked is tooo clumsy for an Abbysclanion) peered through. There was a cat in Abyssclan territory! (bar down for speech)
"What are you doing here ." He hissed, jumping through the thicket.
"Nothing." The strange cat said replied innocently. (bar)
"Let me guess... stealing prey?"(question)
"Yes," the she- cat whimpered . " You no know what happens to cats when cats steal prey from Abyssclan?"
"No," She shivered.
"YOU DIE!" He yowled, He jumped as he leaped on the cowering she- cat, pinning as he leaned down, biting her neck.
her body quivered as she fell dead..
He looked proudly down at his kill and began dragging it back to camp...

I like how you used the ellipses at the end ( and ellipses is the punctual thee dots, this: ...)
adds a void effect. The punctuation is fine. some "speech marks" were left out but thats easy to master when your used to it. Try to not rush into your topic, take time. ALSO when writing your stating facts: She was cold, though she ignored her feeling, "I am fine!" She mewed.
two facts one piece of fiction:
fact 1. She was cold
fact 2. She was trying to ignore it.
fiction: "I am fine!"- Its a lie basically, so when your saying She-rat your facting that the she-cat, is in fact a female rat, So only say She-rat in a thought or speech. but it was a clever idea, though it suggest the writers does not like she-cats .

always tell us how you got somewhere, what he's feeling etc. If your struggling for words, type in on google (yahoo or whatever your search engine is) thesaurus
click on the first link or a comfortable one, and then type a word like E.G: "Looked" it should come up with loads of words, I'll copy and paste some: Looked- admire, attend, behold, beware, consider, contemplate, eye, feast one's eyes, flash, focus, gape, gawk, gaze, get a load of, glance, glower, goggle, heed, inspect, mark, mind, note, notice, observe, ogle, peep, peer, pore over, read, regard, rubberneck, scan, scout, scrutinize, see, spot, spy, stare, study, survey, take a gander, take in the sights, tend, view, watch.

I'll make a sentence that make the following sentence: He looked through" better.
He inspected, the (describe) clumsy (in this case) noise, through the bush/thicket.

Hope it helps with getting a higher level :3!